Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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