I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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