I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
