woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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