She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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