I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
