what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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