Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
