i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
