idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
