She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
