You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
