Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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