went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
