so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
