You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
