Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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