Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
