Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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