I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
