I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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