Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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