I cannot find my penis.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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