He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
