you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
