Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
