she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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