My liver just broke up with me...
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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