Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I need to align my fucking chakras
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
