How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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