I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
