life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Operation Purity has been aborted
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
