I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
