Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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