Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
