They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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