I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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