garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
