Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
