I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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