Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
