you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
