Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
