I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
