Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
