I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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