he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
