i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
