Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
