Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
