I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
