Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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